Between Aleph and Tav

And It Came to Pass in the Days of My Hiding

And it came to pass in the days of my hiding,
when I was yet a child among men,
that I found favor in the eyes of my friend,
the son of a Levite, swift of foot and sweet of speech.

He walked with me in the way,
as Avraham walked with Yitzchak, not knowing the end.
We studied side by side at the table of the sages,
and our voices rose like twin offerings before the altar.

And I said in my heart: This is good,
but I knew not what the goodness was,
for the matter was hidden from mine eyes,
as the face of Moshe was veiled upon the mountain.

He laughed, and I was filled with light.
He touched my shoulder,
and my spirit fluttered within me
like the dove of Noach with no place to rest.

And yet I girded myself with silence,
as Yosef in the house of Potiphar,
and I spoke not of the longing
that stirred like waters upon the deep.

For I was a stranger in my own tent,
and the tablets had not yet been shattered.

He grew mighty, and his voice was strong like the shofar of Sinai.
But I turned my face as the priests do from the Holy of Holies,
lest my heart be seen and judged wanting.

And now I recall him in the night watches,
as a dream recalled upon waking,
and I say: Surely this was love,
before I knew to call it by name,
before the aleph had taught me to breathe.

בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה ה׳, הָרֹאֶה אֶת הַנִּסְתָּרוֹת,
הַמּוֹנֶה דִּמְעוֹת נְעָרִים בְּגָלוּתָם.
אָמֵן.

Baruch Atah Adonai, ha-ro’eh et ha-nistarot,
ha-moneh dim'ot ne'arim b'galutam.
Amen.

— Chaya Feldstein